(Be aware; this post is the longest I have done on my website before, so if you wish to read it, note that it will take about an hour of your time.)
We went to London on the train yesterday. It took about an hour to get there, but we played with these little miniscule chicks we found in Tilly’s handbag 😉 We made a little play with them where they were little ordinary chickens in their farm when my one, Ozti, fell into a pond in between two hills. He swam to the other hill and flew up to its plateau. Tilly’s chick, Otzi, followed his brother up to the top too. There they found Jackie Chan’s science lab, of which they both took a special potion. They waited, completely still, for a moment, before immediately shooting up into the air. When Chan came back to his lab, he tutted and showed them into the shed. From the outside, it crashed about, and then two chicks emerged, fist in air, Super-Hero cloak strapped down to their fluffy bodies. They were the…Ninja Chicks!
When we got there, we immediately went to find the London Dungeons. We stopped by Greggs on the way to the bus, and bought some tuna and cucumber sandwiches. When the bus arrived at the stop, we got on and looked out of the window at the reflections of our bus in the shop windows, and watching the London people doing their shopping. We were in a bit of traffic, but gradually it died down and we sped off into the main city.
As we got off the bus, we watched the London Eye spinning as slowly as a tortoise through the air. We ran round the corner of the street and saw the big sign saying “London Dungeons” in huge bloody lettering. There was a man outside in funny clothing saying, “Ooh, yes, I love the good children – and here comes more!” but in much more of a funny way than how it has been typed onto here. We went in with our Blue Peter badges and waited for a moment in what I call the Rat Chambers. There were large class cabinets all about the room infested with rats (they were actually quite cute, come to think of it).
Once we were out of the Rat Chambers, they gathered us up into a big lift with a dangling rope in the middle and a thin slither of see-through glass at the end on the wall. Everyone crowded into the big lift and started pulling at the dangling rope. A jester man made freakish comments as the lift moved upwards. You could see the chain clanging against the wall through the glass. As the lift landed, the jester pulled us aside and we were ushered into a big room with a lady jester. She was clutching a parchment scroll and was being hilarious. “Talky-talky-talky-talky-talky-talky-nooooooooo,” she said, ‘gesturing’ with her hands the shape of a mobile phone to one’s ear. She was very funny!
Then we went into a large room where Mummy was handed an envelope. “Give it to that Guy Fawkes,” said the man. Then we were led into a different room full of gunpowder barrels. Mummy gave the man the envelope. . . But it wasn’t Guy Fawkes! It was a guard, who had ‘gently tortured’ Fawkes and then executed him! We learnt a lot about the plot and the tortures and things.
We went through a lot more like Mrs Lovett’s and the hairdresser. The hairdresser was called Sweeney Todd. His assistant, Toby, was a bit crackers 😉 Once Sweeney came in and air blew through the seat heads and made it feel like he was cutting your hair, but in such the way as Edward Scissorhands : / He was creepy, but the scariest bit was probably Ten Bells Pub, where Jack the Ripper and ghosts were seen and mentioned. It was really cool but by the end I was clutching onto Mummy for dear life..!
At the end, my head was scraping against the measuring pole and I knew that I was definitely 1.4, but a very cruel, unsympathetic lady didn’t let me on the ride, and I started to cry. But anyone who didn’t get a go on the ride got a free drink of either apple juice or cola icy stuff. Tilly and I got the cola icy drinks, and Mummy got a cup of cold, refreshing apple juice with gin in it.
Once we had left the dungeons, we went down to the DreamWorks Tours next door. It featured Shrek, witches and Fiona; Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella; Rumplestiltskin and all the other characters from Disney. We went into a little bus through the sky (that’s what it seemed; I will go into detail later), where we met Astrid and Hiccup on their dragons, Kung Fu Panda with his great chopping board, and all the while the bus was moving, crashing into the rocks and through forests. Or was it? You were given special glasses at the beginning that made things look like you were soaring through the air, with the little characters waving about to you. But if you slipped your glasses up your forehead and looked around once more, you could see that the bus was being activated, moving in circles very slowly, and that really you were only surrounded by an annular cinema-like screen, where clips of films and things were being played, moulded into one another. But when you swivel your glasses back above your eyes, you can see that actually it’s quite realistic and very fun.
You had to save yourself from Rumplestiltskin, whose favourite witch had been run over by the minibus. You had to pass magical ingredients from one place to another (one was Puss in Boots’ fur ball, and another, which I had to carry, was a plastic cricket) to make awesome potions for time portals. It was great!
But the day was not over then. Nor was it even nearly over. But that’s good – I like a good old day in London, don’t you? We grabbed lots of different tubes down to Madame Tassaud’s (recommended, but not if you wish to go down to the Chamber of Horrors, which I probably won’t explain a good deal about, hmm?) where they make lots of wax statues – ahrrm, they were not wax, they were real..if that’s convincing. Anyway, we met a very-well done statue of Emma Watson, who looked very pretty and just like her. We met her in Costa Coffee..I think..yes, she told us a lot about acting in Harry Potter…
Then we saw the Royal Family in Buckingham Palace (ahrrm, of course it wasn’t Madame Tassaud’s, no no, it was definitely Buckingham Palace..), where we had tea with the queen and saw Kate and William and everything. And the palace – oh, the palace was amazing! I’m going to have a – ahrrm – charming story to tell to my kids, alright..
Mummy saw Borris Becker, too. He’s some sort of German tennis player whom Mummy fancies…
We then went down to the Chamber of Horrors. I do NOT recommend it. The pictures below are not from the chamber, though they may look like they are; if I did post ones from the chamber, you would probably die of fright or of the gore. It’s actually a stupid band of teenage boys called One Direction – have you heard how much I hate them? 9/10. One mark is taken off from the hatred because most of them are leaving the band, so soon there won’t be any ‘1D’ left. Mwahahaah!
We saw Stephen Hawking. He’s a really awesome scientist in my opinion – isn’t it funny, though, how some poor old man who can’t talk, move and can barely breathe showed how the Big Bang could work? I think so. His wife must be very proud of him. He hasn’t always been in a wheelchair; he has a sad disease called ‘Motor Neurone Disease’, which is very upsetting.
Nobody can miss Sir Shakespeare <–
We saw Freddie Mercury. He was a singer in Queen. Then I gave that David Cameron a piece of my mind.
Or E.T. – he was amazing! But I liked Usain Bolt better.
But, of course, going to London is not complete without a curry. We went down to Masala Zone in Covent Gardens. Tilly and I ordered a chicken curry with lentils, potato curry, naan bread and rice on the side. It was delicious! Plus, beautiful Indian dolls hang from the ceiling in every spare place. We always decide which we’ll be. This time, I was a pretty one with an orange-and-gold flowing dress and yellow veil. Tilly had white skirts with a red rose on it and a black corset. They were both beautiful! Then we ordered TASTY mango kulfi – Tilly found a bit of plastic in hers from the container, but I forgive the BRILLIANTIC restaurant – with pink sauce and cut-up sunflower seeds to decorate.
STORY MODE – THE BRILLIANT PIANO MAN
After the curry, we had twenty minutes till our train arrived at the station. “What shall we do while we wait?” Mummy asked. “We’ll have to stay around here for a bit,” I said, looking around the pretty little centre we were in. “I know,” said Mummy, “remember that piano that had been donated to the St Pancras centre for people to play? We’ll go and see who’s playing, shall we?” So we found the piano and saw a man playing on it. He was marvellous at it, truly marvellous!
“What song would you like to me?” asked the old man playing on it.
“Elton John!” Tilly and I exclaimed all at the same time. The man looked at us in a queer position and said, “Why did you say Elton John?”
“We like him,” I said; “we think he’s good.”
“Well, look here,” said the old man. He pointed to the top of the piano and read out, “Please look after this piano carefully. Love, Elton John.” “This piano,” said the old man, “was bought by Elton for £5000 and donated to the St Pancras centre.” and from then on until the train came, we sat and listened to the old man playing the piano. And hopefully we will never forget his lovely music. And neither will we forget him; for he seemed very nice and a wonderful old man.